Can I get an amen? AMEN!

by Maren on November 5, 2012

Here’s a very humble hello from me this Monday morning. How have you all been?

I did a ton of thinking over the last weekend and I think I finally nailed down why blogging has been so hard for me this last month.

I’m not being completely honest with you!

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this is my ‘please forgive me’ face.

This blog is about how I create my own version of healthy living. I don’t really follow the rules, and I don’t really do what everyone else is doing. But this blog is also a journal. I write about what’s going on in my life and how it makes me feel. I don’t know if you realize it, but I’m pretty honest with y’all and I don’t hold too much back.

My (ex) boyfriend cheated on me. It was a long time ago. We’ve been dating for almost 6 years and this happened 4 years ago. He told me because he needed to come clean so our relationship could potentially move forward.

I’ve been having a really hard time with it. I understand that this happened a long time ago and that our relationship is in a different place now than it was then. But he just told me so it feels like it just happened.

I kinda had my life planned. I’d chosen him and I was sort of keeping my own life on hold so he could do what he wanted to do. I’m not trying to build a big career here in Salinas and I figured we’d be getting married pretty soon so I wasn’t trying to move out of my parents house because I thought it would just complicate the process that was bound to be starting soon.

He wants to do more school and I don’t think he’s happy with his job in Monterey. I wanted him to be able to change all those things and go to school in Oregon, North Carolina, Texas… wherever. So, I’d chosen him and I was just going to make all the other stuff work around that. Now that we’re not together and might not ever be together (I don’t know, the jury’s still out) I’m kinda stuck in a life that I’m not 100% happy with.

It’s all a lot to process and figure out. I didn’t think that the 6 years I spent dating him would ever end at this point. It’s kinda cray cray.

thanksgiving blend

By the way: I went to Starbucks this morning and saw that hey had a Thanksgiving Blend dark roast coffee.

I had to try it!

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I didn’t know how much I liked it after the first sip… It’s pretty darn herby.

So I tried it again and this happened…

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But after a third sip I decided I actually liked it and the herby-ness mixed with the soy milk was a jim-dandy combo.

THANK YOU!!!

So thanks for sticking with me through everything. Your emails wondering where I was and telling me to have a good day were exactly what I needed and I couldn’t have asked for better blog friends/readers. Friends first, readers second! :mrgreen:

Hopefully now that I’m being a little more honest I’ll have some more blog posts coming. It felt weird writing about my strange eats when I wasn’t talking about how lost/confused/hurt/sad I am. I literally ate herby mashed potatoes for dinner every night last week… Without the backstory that’s just weird. ;-)

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{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }

Mo November 5, 2012 at 9:10 am

Maren – you are SUCH a strong woman! I know right now is a rough patch for you & that nobody can tell you what the future will hold, but either way, you WILL end up on top!! I’m so proud of you for writing about this….sometimes getting it out helps the healing process. Love you, my friend! :)

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Maren November 5, 2012 at 10:08 am

Thanks Mo!! It was hard and it’s so cool that you could say that. It makes me feel good. I think telling all of you will help me blog more. This whole situation has taken over my life right now so it was impossible for me to blog when I wasn’t being open about the situation. I really think this will help. There will probably be a few more ohh-poor-me posts but hopefully this will help me move forward, in whatever direction I’m supposed to go in. :-D You rock, girlfriend!!

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Danielle @ clean food creative fitness November 5, 2012 at 9:20 am

Love ya girl and love the honesty! You know I’m here for you if you need anything! This must be tough for you but I’m sure you will come out on top in the end! I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason! Big hugs!

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Maren November 5, 2012 at 10:06 am

I totally agree, Danielle. Everything does happen for a reason. Time will tell what the reasons are.

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Alex @ therunwithin November 5, 2012 at 9:37 am

wow I am so sorry maren, that is hard to sit with even if he is just being honest. I think you should and can take all the time you need. i also think your blog is yours, aka do whatever the freak you want to do with it! I adore you just for being you and I will check back in everyday even if you don’t post. it is just a little wish that one day, like today, i will get a great giggle and smile

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Maren November 5, 2012 at 10:06 am

HAHA. Thanks Alex, you’re awesome! I hope you were giggling over that last picture because it’s a little crazy LOL.

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Kelli H November 5, 2012 at 9:47 am

It probably feels good to just write it down and get it out in the open. I’m proud of you for posting this, since it’s so personal. Whatever happens down the road is up to you, girl. This may be too personal for the blog, but do you think it’s better you know? Sometimes I think if it was a mistake and a long time ago, then maybe it just felt better for the cheater to come clean. I always wonder about this when I hear about cheating and the partners telling. Of course every situation is different, but I just find it an interesting topic.

The new Starbucks blend sounds odd! I wonder if I’ll try it this season.

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Maren November 5, 2012 at 10:04 am

First, I’d try it. It was good after the first two sips.

Second, I’ve been totally overwhelmed with life. Basketball just started so my schedule is crazy and sometimes I’m having a hard time just going to the things I need to go to during the day. I really want to come visit you for the weekend but I just haven’t been able to spend the time to plan it out, YET. If I’m still invited I’m coming, I just need things to settle down a little. This is completely uncharted territory and I’m trying to navigate through it.

Partially, I think it probably was mostly for him. I think it helped him feel better about it. But I really respect that he told me because it wasn’t fair to either of us to try and build a marriage-type relationship on a lie like that. We’re still talking and we could end up getting back together but a lot of things have to change. I can’t just assume things in our relationship anymore. It’s all just so complicated. It’s like I hurt for 90-billion different reasons. Some days I’m upset because of these 3 things then the next day I’m crying because of 3 other things. I’m a wreck, lol.

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Kelli H (Made in Sonoma) November 5, 2012 at 12:20 pm

You are definitely still invited! You have an open invitation. :) Keep your chin up, friend!

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Sonia the Mexigarian November 5, 2012 at 11:00 am

-hugs- to have happiness in your life, it starts within you. same with honesty. express yourself in any way you can. the more you do, the more you can relinquish the pain weighing you down.

good to see you posting again. missed your good humor and voice.

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Sana November 5, 2012 at 11:02 am

Woof. You have some tough choices to make. I hope that you keep blogging, take care.

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Alysia @ Slim Sanity November 5, 2012 at 12:12 pm

I hope that you can start finding happiness in everything soon. I know it’s a super tough thing to deal with. I wish I could have been there for you to talk it over with a wine of the week. :) You’re amazing and you’ll be just fine! Just give it some time….as clique as that is. It’s really awesome that you were able to open up about it, I think it’s all a step in the right direction.

And I totally get the mashed potatoes every day for a week thing.

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Lauren November 5, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Aww Maren, I’m so sorry. That truly sucks but I applaud you for sticking up for yourself and looking out for your future happiness. It sucks to lose someone you care about so just take the time to mourn and eat lots of chocolate and drink lots of coffee. Thinking of you and hoping you feel better soon!

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Nicole November 5, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Breakups aren’t easy, especially when you are dealing with infidelity after the fact (I can relate). You are brave to open up and share your story! Keep that head up girl! You will get through it!

P.S. I am just on the other side of Hwy 1 in Moss, if you ever need a buddy! My three legged dog could do some ‘pet therapy’ for you :)

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Maren November 7, 2012 at 10:04 am

Thanks Nicole. I was already thinking we should meet up sometime since we live so close. I’d love to meet your puppy!

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Brandi November 6, 2012 at 3:56 am

Maren!!! I check your blog everyday!! Like once every hour!! When I saw this, I was SO happy!! :) There is light at the end of this tunnel and I know that everyday will get easier for you. Even though it was really hard, thank you so much for sharing this part of your life with us.
It is so hard when life disappoints us, or doesn’t work out the way that we thought, but I know that you are going to be ok. Take it day by day sister!
:)

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Maren November 7, 2012 at 10:01 am

HAHA I’m glad I have such a loyal friend in you that you’re checking my blog so much. I need to get back to commenting on yours and others. I’m glad to hear that every day will get a little easier. It’s easy to forget that when you’re in the middle of everything.

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katecooks November 6, 2012 at 12:26 pm

breakups are always hard for a million different reasons. i think we just have to decide what we can live with and what we cannot. it’s different for every single person, and every single relationship. that doesn’t make your decisions any easier…but just trust yourself to do the best thing for YOU!!

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Maren November 7, 2012 at 10:00 am

That’s great advice Kate! It’s so true, just be you and everything will work out how it’s supposed to.

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Nikki November 7, 2012 at 7:57 am

Oh, pretty girl, I am so sorry to hear this and my heart goes out to you! I know this isn’t the same extent, but my boyfriend in HS cheated on me after a year (I know, not long but in high school it is!), and I know about it but still stayed with him for a while because it was just so confusing to figure out what had happened, how I felt, etc. I can somehow relate to how you must be feeling: like your world has been thrown upside down. It doesn’t matter when it happened, it still happened! If you ever need anyone to talk to, let me know please! I’d love to be your BFF :)

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Maren November 7, 2012 at 9:59 am

Thanks Nikki. It’s so great to hear about how other people have been through the same kinda stuff. I just feel so alone most of the time so finally opening up about it and getting so many comments about how others have dealt with similar situations has been amazing! I’ll definitely email you about it if I need someone to chat with!!!

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Brittany @ Itty Bits of Balance November 8, 2012 at 6:00 am

I’m a little late, but WOW Maren, I commend you big time for writing this post. Opening up about personal shenanigans in the blog world can be pretty difficult, but is SO freeing once you actually get that post out there. Glad to see you continued posting after this.

And dont you worry for one moment– You’ll have a new fish from the big sea before you know it ;)

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