Yes this blog is outrageously upbeat these days. I’m sorry if this annoys you, uncannily happy people used to bug me too! In fact most of you don’t know this blog to be anything but nerdy-weird-nutzo 100% all the time. But the honest truth is, I’ve written my fair share of pitty party posts, which all have been deleted from the archives but they still happened and can’t be completely erased from history. It’s like toothpaste; once it’s squeezed out, you can’t put it back in.
Everyone has been through tough “stuff”. F’s on tests, friends turned enemies, people being un-trust worthy, car accidents, health issues, family issues, etc. In a nut shell, everyone has been wounded. And in some way everyone finds different ways to get through the day whether or not they have healed from their wounds.
I’ve been through more than my fair share of “stuff” in the last 7 years. And I lived in it, dwelled in it, was depressed, and did things I truly regret because I was trying to deal with it all.
Coping isn’t something I understood until recently. I figured one day I’d have all kinds of closure from everything that happened to me. Certain people would acknowledge their wrongs, I’d gain enough success in various aspects of my life that I’d feel worthy, and that I’d get justification for how I acted in response to everything. I’d been waiting for this from one situation to another for 7 years.
Coping isn’t about justification or closure (I will never get the closure I want/need to completely heal from what happened to me) it’s about figuring out what you have to do to get you through the day.
This is why I’m nerdy. This is why I’m nutzo. This is why I run, eat froyo 9 times a week, sometimes have to skip a workout for no reason other than to skip a workout, do slurpee dances, and take silly pictures. It’s what helps me get through the day.
I don’t think I’m special, everyone has been wounded in one way or another. Someone’s F can be just as painful as someone else’s unfathomable drama because everyone is different. I just know I’ve found a way for me to get through life in a way that I’m proud of. What more can someone ask for?